See what happens when you buy Jordans out of somebody's trunk?

Get familiar with this face, he'll be robbing you in, oh, say 8 years. I'm just playing! The children are the future and shit.

When I say "come and get your cousins" I'm actually talking about MY OWN family. Here's my big cousin looking like Kung Fu Panda.

And this is his brother. How the hell do you fall asleep with the remote control IN your hand?

A true BYOBBCIABYS [bring your own beer and blunts cause I ain't buying you shit] occasion. I'm glad I was there to witness it.

While a hood classic, Belly isn't exactly masterpiece theater type of shit. Yet there were many visually pleasing elements in the film [T-Boz's new growth wasn't one] that made me fall in love with it.

The pieces from Thierry La Goues Soul Series collection featured on Tommy's walls is still dope 10 a decade later.

I need to speak with someone immediately about the following grievances I have over this picture:

• The film's title, Kung Fu Dunk
• His stylist being on payroll
  
• Again, the film's title, Kung Fu Dunk

Random Fact #1 - I Love Frequenting Dent In The Wall Night Clubs

You read that right, dent in the wall. Not a hole in the wall. There is a difference you know. No recessed lightning, no plumbing, no problem! Here are a few exclusive photographs from my extensive travels:

The homie Mandella. That's his nickname. Seriously, it is.

After a long night of rolling hard, literally.

You are so engulfed in all that fever you didn't even notice the ceiling, did you?

And yes that's your boy Midget Mac. DU-VAL!

I'm sticking to good old fashion Christianity if Kabbalah does this shit to you.

I've been living amongst dope fiends [1] for 23 years now, so I think I know one when I see one. Madge is looking like she just got holt tah dah wrong stuff. I pray thats not the case. It's all fun and games until you're out there turning tricks in exchange for crush aluminum cans.

[1] And my neighborhood isn't bad at all minus an occasional domestic abuse arrest and random drug sweep, but they haven't had one of those all summer long.

I mean, at least he's showing an interest in politics.

Hybrid box Chevy.

Everybody [and I do mean everybody] knows a Big Gerth type of character who is always bragging on ridunkulous things like reuniting the cast of Family Matters for a television special, having threesomes with Tina Turner and Patti LaBelle, and smoking out with the Smurfs.

Don't talk about my sausage link fangaz now! You know you want them caressing your dog's balls.

As much as I love having my cuticles gutted and then sprayed with acetone every three weeks I've been thinking of giving the ol' acrylic tips a break. The funny thing is whenever I do decide to let my nails breathe I almost immediately miss them.

I've become so accustom to the length that its almost impossible for me to function without them. Sure, I may not be able to swipe my debit card at the gas pump or pick up change from the bottom of my purse without blurting out expletives under my breath but its so hard to text on my SideKick with midget nails.

Why must I cry?

Killer Mike - "Grandma's House"

I've never distributed crack [nor would I] from my Granny's crib but if I did this would be my theme song.

I'm sure there are going to be more than a few cats out there who are going to roll their eyes and snap their necks at me like Al Reynolds did Star Jones when she would ask him to take the trash out for saying the following statement but fuck it, you can't please everybody.

I, Freshalina Simmons, love booty music.

Every weekend I go through countless videos on YouTube, singing along with bass classics like "Love In Her Mouth" and jerking my shoulders violently to "Bankhead Bounce" [and for the last time I am not from Atlanta, shit].

I could go in to a long, drawn out story about how my brother and I would sneak and listen to our cousin's Pete Splack Pack cassette tapes and watch Luke's Freak Show on weekends but I will save you the boredom. Here are a couple videos to get you shake your monkey to. Look for another installment later this week!

• Splack Pack - "Let Me C Ya Work It"
  
• Dis N' Dat - "Freak Me"
  
• 95 South - "Rodeo"

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a fan of the Gossip but I can get into [you so nasty!] Beth Ditto. There's just something about a woman that makes no apologies for sweating pork juice that makes me want to poke my chest out with pride.

Bust it baby is what I call you.

I don't have an alter ego like Clifford or Beyonce, I just suffer from acute boredom.

As much as I try to avoid rehashing the same gossip, news, quotes, pictures, etc. that float around the urban pop culture web daily on Crunk + Disorderly I always seem to fall victim because it is what my readers expect. Sounds a little off I know but trust me, I think I know what to expect from my target audience by now.

C+D is not closing. The Fly Cliche will serve as my personal blog where I will still undoubtedly write about about the entertainment news along with other random subjects. Hopefully you will dig it but if not, eh, kiss my placenta.

Oh, and I swagger jacked the name of this joint from Tony Sparks. You're welcome! You're all welcome!